The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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