A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
