i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
