so explain again why im purple
no
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
