Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
