I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
