they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
