I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We left the knife in your bed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize