I'll bet she douches with gravy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize