shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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