Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
