Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize