There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
