Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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