ttyl tear gas
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize