i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
