I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
