We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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