cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
