I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
