Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
