i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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