apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
