You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
