I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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