I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
