I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
