Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
