It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
