M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
