lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
