I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
