Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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