Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
wow bdsm is so cute
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize