he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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