There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
