my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he shaved USA in his pubs
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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