This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Congratulations! We have a period
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