You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
