Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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