Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
