Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
