can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
