I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
