my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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