It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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