Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
