pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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