Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
