I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your cock deserves a montage
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
