VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize