She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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