my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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