tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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