Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
