I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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