so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
