I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
