pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
