is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
