Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize