Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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