Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
