Where is the hickey?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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