the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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