I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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