In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
