i think my mom watched the whole time
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
