Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
