Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
