I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize