I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
