He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
