Betty ford says i'm here all night
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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