I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
