I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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