If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
