She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
