my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
