You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize