Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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