please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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