Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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