Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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