Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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