He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
