There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
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