Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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