Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
