I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
