big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
