chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
